A lot of people are surprised to find out that I only started sleeping with men after I began transitioning, but my story is actually pretty common. Like many other trans men I know, I assumed that because I was a masculine girl and was attracted to women, I must be a lesbian. The nagging discomfort I felt about my gender and the way I looked, I thought, could be chalked up to that fact.
Although I had certainly been attracted to men in the past, I figured I would live out the rest of my days as a gay woman.
Somehow I was able to reconcile this with a strange little fact about my porn consumption: I exclusively watched porn with gay men. Straight stuff never did it for me, and I’d never found lesbian porn appealing, but I always knew that watching hot dudes go at it would get me off.
Fast forward to 2011. By then I had figured out that I was not, in fact, a woman. I started taking testosterone, the hormone replacement therapy for transgender men.
I didn’t think that my libido could get any higher than it already was, but taking testosterone totally spiked it. One day I completely melted over a men’s underwear ad, and suddenly it hit me: what if I was actually gay?
I had no idea how that could possibly work, but I was rapt. The idea of being with a man as a woman had never really interested me. But, the idea of being with a man as a man I found incredibly hot.
At that time, FTM porn existed, but it was sparse. In preparation for my first date with a cis man, I found and bought the first piece of gay FTM porn I’d ever seen, and it all clicked: the fixation on gay porn, the latent attraction to men I’d always harbored— it could all work so long as I recognized that although I now identified as a man, that didn’t mean that my sexuality couldn’t also include men, just as it doesn’t for cisgender men.
That first date turned into regular casual sex, and I’ve been fooling around with guys—cis and trans—ever since.
Fast forward again to 2017. I had just left my main gig to pursue a freelance career which gave me two things: a lot of time to jerk off and a need for cash. I spent days searching for work and procrasturbating, watching the same porn over and over again. “It’s 2017,” I’d think. “How the hell is there so little gay FTM porn out there?”
So with the support of some porn-making friends, I realized what I wanted to do— I wanted to make the damn porn myself, centering my own pleasure and own desires in order to make content that trans guys could feel empowered by and everyone could find hot.
That’s what I’m here to do: make the smut I want to see in the world. And, I’m glad you’re all along for the ride!
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